The Burn

Lizzy and I went out last night.

We visited the library and then the fabric store in pursuit of fabric for the downstairs bathroom window.

As we were on our way home I made a last minute decision.

"Liz. We're going to Orange Leaf. I need some brownie batter to make this day complete."

"Really?" she says, "you never want sweet stuff."

I u-turned, pulled in, parked. See how cool I am Miss Lizzy. I can do sweet stuff. I don't just cook supper, do laundry and make lists. I take you, my sweet, curly haired girlie, to Orange Leaf because I'm cool. I u-turn. I veer from my plan. I'm spontaneous. See.

We got our yogurt, saddled up to the counter and started eating. I gave myself a brain freeze. I was inhaling. It tasted so darn good.

We got home, Lizzy started getting ready for bed and I suddenly felt bone tired.

"Man, I'm crashed," I yawned to Farmer Boy. "I'm going to bed."

About two hours later I woke up covered in sweat. My nightgown was wet. My chest was wet. My hair was wet. My sheets were wet. The liquid in my stomach was boiling. I kicked off my covers and lay there drenched in my spontaniety.

What in the heck?!

Night sweats are not new to me. We've become friends. They wake me, we hang out, I cool down, I go back to sleep. Last night was different. Last night was intense. Last night all I could think of was being at a bonfire and watching kids throw fallen leaves into the fire. A quick burn. A flash of intensity.

It's how I felt except it wasn't quick. It was a lingering, dried leaf, intense, long lasting burn.

Here's my conclusion. If you are female and over 40, don't miss this.

Sugar and hormones do not go well together.  I have known this. I have stayed away from sugar for this reason.  I lost my mind last night. I only wanted to be cool, spontaneous u-turning mom. What I got  was the burn.

Spontaneity has it's price. Think about that before you u-turn.

This morning, feeling slightly hungover, dry, but resolved,  I'm making the kids puffins for breakfast. They love them. I don't usually eat them, they have sugar and chocolate and I know my limits. I know the burn.

I'm mixing, I'm pouring into the muffin tins, I'm sprinkling a couple chocolate chips on top of each unbaked muffin to make them look pretty. They are for my precious ones after all. My Ezekiel sprouted wheat piece of bread is in the toaster. My organic peanut butter and Smuckers all fruit spread (which has no sugar) awaits it's toasting. I'm feeling good. I'm back. It was a mistake and it won't happen again. I'm done with it. No more.

I pour out a handful of chocolate chips for the few remaining muffins and before I know it, I've tossed them back into my mouth.

What?

Without thinking I've just polished off about 1/4 cup of chocolate and it's not even 7 a.m.

I'm stupefied. Why, what, I......what the...? Ummm........

So if you happen to see me today and I'm sweaty, wet, red-faced, frizzy haired, wild eyed and possibly scantily clad, please extend some grace.

Thank you.

Amen.