Old Running Shoes and Gravel Roads

He texts me and emails me throughout the day.

He gets up about 10 minutes before I do, goes downstairs to read his bible and pray, and while I'm at the gym he makes his bacon and eggs, and then washes up his dishes for me because he knows I won’t have time before I go to work.

He calls me beb.

I think my hair is wacky, hormonal, and out of control. He tells me he loves it and that it suits my personality.

He snores and twitches when he sleeps.

He loves telling stories at the dinner table and I like to chastise him for talking with his mouth full.

He’s a great dad and takes care of many details for the kids and I, that I can’t, or don’t, or won’t.

Farmer Boy.

He’s a great husband and a great father.

I wish I could say we have the perfect marriage and that as great as he is, we have no problems.

I would be lying.

We have problems.

I'm not going to share them with you but I will tell you that we've been seeing a marriage counselor for about three months.

Marriage is difficult.

Marriage counseling is excruciating.

Apparently, there are things I don’t talk about or deal with. I'm being forced to, and I don’t like it.

Also, we are being told over and over that if we want things to change, we have to change.

Well that makes sense right?

I have survival instincts. I bet we all do. Those things we learned to make it through our childhood regardless of how good or bad it was. There comes a time when the things we've developed for survival, no longer work for us. We have to let them go because we have arrived at a different place, and what once helped us to survive is now hurting us.

That means we have to change.

It means we have to let go of things that feel safe to us, that are comfortable, routine, and perhaps even appear necessary.

It is like running down a gravel road in bare feet, when we know it would be so much better with our comfortable old running shoes on our feet.

Change hurts, but hurt can lead to healing and growth. Sometimes you have to break a bone so you can set it properly and so it will grow back stronger.

We’re getting there. We’re working on trading in our old running shoes together. It is hard work to be sure, but we are running side by side down this gravel road.

Just got another text from Farmer Boy.

I think he’s texting with food in his mouth.