Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I'm Tired



Yesterday was Monday and it was a holiday. Yesterday was Martin Luther King day and because of that, I didn't have to go to work.

So today is Tuesday, not Monday.

I'm easily confused.

Especially today.

Thanks to the everyday adventure my hormones have me on, I haven't been sleeping the best the last few nights. I wake up at about 3 a.m. and apparently my body thinks it's time to get going. I lay in bed thinking about what I'm going to wear to work, what work-out I'm going to do and when, what I should do with my hormone hair that once upon a time was unusually and abnormally curly, but lately is in some state of hormone induced freak-out, and of course, listen to Farmer Boy snore his cares away in deep and resonating sleep.

I'm loving this stage of life.

Normally, I take a few minutes at the beginning of each day and take stock.
How am I feeling?
Is anything bugging me?
What needs to get done today?
What's going through my head?

I write things down. I make lists. I write down daily goals or even bigger goals. Sometimes I fill up pages of my frustrations and anger and although it usually doesn't make the situation any better, it frees me up somehow by getting all that angst out of my head and onto paper.

Today at about 5 a.m., after lying in bed for a couple of hours, I was ready to get some sleep.

It wasn't time for sleep. It was time to get up.

I didn't want to get up.

I turned on my light, I lay in bed, eyes all scrunched up, one leg on top of the blankets, hair all over the place and said, "I'm tired."

I fumbled down the hallway, turned on the shower, stepped in and as the water soaked through the hormone hair, I said, "I'm tired."

After my shower I went downstairs to fix something for breakfast and make my lunch, but I stood in the middle of the kitchen, glaring at the light that seemed too bright and declared, "I'm tired."

As I was driving to work, trying to take in some quiet moments to reflect and put myself into this day, my yawns took over my face, tears coming to my eyes from the effort, and all I could think was, "I'm tired."

When I got to work and had to interact with people, I almost felt offended.

"Seriously, you want me to talk to you right now? Am I supposed to answer you because I'm not even sure what you just said and I know I don't care. I'm tired."

Of course I didn't say that out loud.

I think I nodded, smiled, and then I went to the restroom, sat down, put my head in my hands, felt the weirdness of my hair, growled to myself, closed my eyes and decided that today, I'm tired.

Today there are no lists, but I do have a goal.

To go to bed.

Amen.

Over and out.




1 comment:

  1. Hope you are able to sleep better tonight!

    ReplyDelete

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