When That's All You've Got

She texted me throughout the day yesterday.

I'll be okay mom. Check Facebook soon for pictures. My group members are cracking me up - trying to learn Swahili...

About to head to Amsterdam.

Fanciest plane ever!

Amsterdam rocks!

Tanzania here we come. Love you. I'll text you as soon as I can. Watch Facebook. Love you.

My sweet girl left for Tanzania yesterday.

She was home for Christmas break. She was asking Farmer Boy and I lots of questions. Most of them about trip details, some 'what if' questions.

I could tell she was a little scared, a bit apprehensive, and probably a lot worried - it is how she rolls.

I would coo out easy answers. Things like:

Don't worry. It will all work out. You are going with a group so trust the group. You'll be fine.

She bit her tongue, but her eyes still asked, "How do you know?"

One night, as all of us sat around the table and chatted, she mentioned how people often tell her that things will be okay and then she shared the response she never offers back.

"When? When will everything be okay?"

Good question.

I don't have an answer and mothers always want to have answers right?

So sweet girl, when you get back and have time to read this, here is what I should have said.

Go.
Trust.
Be completely terrified.
Let this trip bounce you around a little bit. 
Be unprepared.
Lose control.
Let your guard down completely and wait.
God will show up. He always does.

But wait..... I'm not done.

What is true is that sometimes you simply can not know and those are the most fertile soul-growing times. It might not be want you want to hear, you probably want something more concrete to hold and to wrap your fingers around but I can't give you that.

Empty your hands of what you think you need to hold onto, drop it,  and simply reach out for Him.

That's all I've got sweet girl.

I can't wait to hug you when you get back.

Love you.
Mom