Right now I'm sitting in my pajamas. I should be ripping around, checking things off my ever-present list, and I will, but not right now. Right now I'm a little unsteady. A nasty bug got a hold of me on Sunday night, wrestled me to the ground, forced my head into the toilet and kept me there all night. I felt a little humiliated. I'm not used to being sick like that. I'm used to being Mom, the one who is always healthy, strong, the one who makes everything better, but not this time.
I've been lying around all week. I haven't felt like doing anything else. I haven't wanted to eat. I have no energy. There is much to do, family that is visiting from out of state, but I'm just not up to it. Sunday, before my wrestling match with the flu bug, some words were said to me by a beloved family member that sent me reeling. I don't know how to react. I don't know how to think or what to say. I'm even having a hard time praying about it. It simply caught me off guard, took me out at the knees.
I suppose on my knees is exactly where I should be. Humiliation can be a good thing.
This is one of my favorite Bible stories. A desperate woman on her knees who still had faith enough to reach out. She had tried everything else, and nothing worked. Reaching, hoping, trusting. "Your faith has healed you", Jesus said, "Go in peace".
Desperate. Reaching. Faith. Healing. Peace.
So as I sit here in my pajamas, about to take on a day I'm not sure I want to take on, here is what I know. Breakfast dishes need done, groceries need bought, vacuuming needs done, shower needs taken, I am loved, a cloak is within my reach, and so is faith, healing and peace.
It's time to get up and reach out.
I'm still a little unsteady, but here I go.