Friday, February 10, 2012
This is me. I think this is the most recent picture of myself that I have. It was taken at work right before Christmas.
Looking at this picture you can see that I have unusually curly hair and wrinkles. What you can't see is how I live and who I am. I live a very ordered life. I like structure and things that are predictable. Most of the time those things serve me well, but I do have my days. Let me show you what I mean.
Here's what my week looks like - every week.
Monday - laundry.
Tuesday - Walmart shopping and a bit of cleaning.
Wednesday - grocery shopping and a bit of cleaning.
Thursday - laundry again and a bit of cleaning.
Friday - finish up cleaning.
I exercise every day. I go to bed at 9:00 pm. I have a clean house. I plan weekly menus. I make a grocery list. I clean a little bit every day so on Saturday I can finish up what I didn't get done, do laundry and sit at basketball or volleyball tournaments. Sundays are a day of rest. I like to get caught up on reading and sleep.
This morning I didn't get up as early as usual because the kids did not have school. Farmer Boy got up at his usual time and left for work. The world was dark, my bedroom was stillness and solitude. The wind broke through and interrupted my daily schedule planning. What is it about wind? Sometimes it comes in the darkness of a new day and speaks to me. Mystery, intrigue, romance and abandon, blow through on the wings of those early morning winds and I stop to listen, hoping for something. Something I can't touch or even put words around. Something that will make me new. Today it blew my list apart, tore off the safe borders of my day and left me wondering.
What would happen if I didn't do what my schedule told me to do? What if I didn't clean today? What if instead of exercising I sat on my front porch, bundled up, and watched the world go by? What if instead of control, I tried a little abandon? What would that look like? What exactly would I have done at 11:15 this morning if I was practicing abandon? I don't know. I didn't give it a chance.
I got up and exercised. Then I ripped the sheets off my bed, because it's Friday and that's the day I wash our sheets. I took a shower, went to work, came home and continued to work through my schedule. Productive, predictable, hopefully not pointless.
All day I've also been stealing glances out the window, spying on tree branches, watching them give themselves over to the wind.
What's my point? I don't know. Just thinking I guess.
at 5:19:00 PM