Coming Back

I think I'm coming back. I was worried there for a bit, but today I've almost convinced myself that I'm going to make it.

I now know for sure that I am middle aged. There is no doubt that a middle aged body doesn't recover from things as quickly as it used to.

My doctor told me today that he pulled out a golfball sized ball of fat and pus out of me last week along with my appendix. I hope you haven't just eaten. He wondered why I didn't come in earlier when I started feeling pain. How do you explain to a male doctor the ins and outs of a middle aged woman's menstrual cycle? I didn't have the words or the patience. I really didn't see the sense in going in earlier to have a smug male doctor look at me and say, "Yes ma'am, the test confirms it, you're menstruating." I honestly thought the pain I was experiencing was yet another new chapter for the hormone history books. So this month it was pain, last month it was irrational irritability and bloating. Every month is a new adventure, why not pain in my lower right quadrant?

So, now that you know way more than you ever wanted to, I almost don't know what is left to say.

It's been a difficult week. Pain is not something I prefer. I hate not being able to run. Walking was almost more than I could take this week. I can't straighten up fully but today I do feel better.

I was surfing the web looking for some post surgery diet suggestions and I stumbled across the site of a fellow Canadian. She also had her appendix removed but when she was discussing it I couldn't help but smile. She asked her doctor what she had done wrong to cause her appendix to become inflamed. From what I understood, as a Ph.D in nutrition and a fitness expert she figured she was doing everything right and therefore shouldn't have had appendix problems.  I wondered if she'll ask God the same question one day.

Excuse me, why am I here? I ate all the right things, exercised properly. Shouldn't I still be alive?

I think a list is definitely in order at this point don't you?

Things I now know beyond a shadow of doubt.

1. I am married to a real live Super Hero. Farmer Boy has gone above and beyond the call of duty this week. He has a lot on his plate but he has gone to great lengths to make sure I'm doing well.

2. My precious ones are more precious than ever. They have also been a huge help this week. I remember how I felt when my mom got sick when I was younger. It's frightening and unsettling. They've been champs. I love them so much and am so proud of them.

3. Friends are one of God's richest blessings. I've had food brought over so that I've not had to worry about feeding my family. There's been daily phone calls to make sure I'm ok. Gifts of tea and words of "call me I'll be there immediately", texted to me on numerous occasions. I was visited while I was in the hospital and today a friend came and took me to the doctor so I wouldn't have to drive. It's humbling, overwhelming and such an incredible gift. Thank you. Thank you very much.

4. I love the British TV show 'Doc Martin'.

5. Rolling over in your sleep is over-rated.

6. Passing gas is a completely acceptable daily goal.

7. Overdoing it is not worth it. It's ok to be weak sometimes. It gives other people the chance to be strong for you and that is a good thing.

8. Dancing while sitting, though difficult, can be done. You just have to get your head into it.

I think that'll do it. It's time to lay down.

Thanks for being there!