Sometimes words are few.
Sometimes you simply have to sit back, silent, eyes large like a open doorway to your soul, listening, watching, praying, pleading.
Sometimes your faith dries up. Shrivels. You feel distant, alone. You have questions but can't find answers.
So you sit. Waiting. Watching. Hoping for God to show up.
I feel like I'm returning from that place. It's been a little dry around here. I've been discontent, ungrateful and a wee bit miserable. It's difficult for me to say what takes me to that place. It is a place I've been to before and I'm sure I'll visit again.
Sunday morning Farmer Boy and I had a chance to talk. We talked about us. We talked about what was going on and tried to figure out why. We finally talked and suddenly instead of sandstorms and brown landscapes, I could see greens and blues and a way out of the desert.
Perhaps I simply needed to say some things out loud. Perhaps I needed to remember that 21 years ago this 'me' became a 'we'. Maybe it really is true that the two shall become one. Why doesn't that sink in? I find myself in a dry place and it becomes my place. I put up fence. I lock the gate. I erect barbed wire on top of the fence and no one is allowed in. It's my place. I got myself in, I'll get myself out.
Sunday morning Farmer Boy opened the gate. All he said was, "can we talk" and when I glanced his way he was standing just outside the gate with a glass of clean, fresh water.
The 'me' needs to remember the 'we' so the 'He' is glorified. I'm not good at remembering that. I hope to get better.
Here's a verse that King David wrote thousands of years ago,
"because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." (Psalm 63:3).
His love is better than adventure, romance, travel and having an exciting career. It's better than comfortable finances and well behaved children. It's better than a good marriage and a clean house. It's better than a trip back home when you're homesick. It's better than time to yourself when life is simply too loud. It's better than Sunday afternoon naps and comfortable living. It's better than anything I think I'm entitled to. His love is better than life.
So, because I'm fairly certain that the road to the dry and dusty place begins in a place of ingratitude, I issued myself a challenge and I asked my dear Bible Study ladies to join me. I asked us all to write down three things we are thankful for everyday. Three things everyday. We've pledged to do this through these frantic days of Christmas. These days that can be loud and busy and a wee bit frantic. Perhaps we'll continue after the first of the year but we're not looking ahead that far. Not today.
Here's mine for today:
1. I'm wearing a pair of new pants today that my friend June picked up for me at Penny's for $5. She spotted them, thought of me and brought them by the office. I'm wearing them. I'm loving them.
2. My pink fuzzy slippers are currently sprawled on my kitchen floor. They are waiting for me to come home and slip into them.
3. The sky around these parts is grey and overcast. The wind is cold and there is a slight drizzle in the air. I'm thankful for a grey day in December. They make clear days in June so much sweeter.
So that's it. Desert. Water. We. He.