Friday, September 27, 2013

Here we go

My eyes open and I toss the night aside. It's time to get up, time to begin. I fold up the night, press it down and tuck it away.

Three things immediately go through my head.
1. Workout plan.
2. Dinner plan.
3. Breakfast plan.

Strangely, it is usually in that order.

I sit up in bed, ponder all my possibilities, swing my legs over the side of the bed, stand up and assess what is hurting today. I look in the mirror, freeze, and roll my eyes at my hair. Really? Is this the way we're going to do this today? Gray hairs at attention? Disheveled ringlets at odd angles?

Okay. Whatever. I'll deal with you later. Here we go.

After a trip downstairs into Farmer Boy's every morning bacon haze, I'm settled back in my bed, back straight up, pillow on lap, journal open, pen in hand. I close my eyes. I breath deep and allow all the plans to escape as I exhale.

Let it go.

I have thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of quiet before the day erupts. Thirty minutes to think and to try and put it all into words.

Today a motorcycle thunders through my morning, ripping apart my silence.  He gets swallowed up in the distance and I hold my pen.

Here it comes. The calm. It trickles down and sits beside me. I think and write. It doesn't have to be pretty or grammatically correct, it simply has to be. It's my mistakes, my frustrations, my confessions.

I need to say it. I'm a total mess.

In this time and in this place I can say it. I'm a total mess.

I can draw a box and pause. No one is waiting for me. No one needs anything right now. All that needs done is to remember. I need to recall, to grab hold and touch, need to open yesterday as the gift it was. I need to say thank you for the all those tiny things that were, to write them down, to name them, to make them mine. I don't want to forget because today is now and if I forget to say thank you for yesterday, I may not remember to open up today. Today is a gift.

I open up my Bible. I read about great mercy, new birth, a living hope, and how trials have come to bring about genuineness of faith which is of greater worth than gold. My reading has turned to praying and as my eyes scan the words I'm saying thank you and asking for holiness and to be rid of all malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander because I agree with Peter - I have tasted and the Lord is good. (1Peter 1).

The floor creaks and the kids are up.

Here we go.

Breakfast - peanut butter pitas.
(Take a piece of flat bread. Spread peanut butter over it. Slice a banana and put the slices over the top of the peanut butter. Dot the entire thing with semi-sweet chocolate chips. Bake at 350 for about 5 minutes. Serve it up.)

Dinner - Rice bowls with leftover beef.

Workout - Twenty minute walk and then back home for some yoga and Pilates moves. 45 minute total workout.

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