Friday, October 31, 2014

Crazy - Like Peeing in a Cup

Today is the end of a week. Today is the end of a month. Today is Halloween. Today is a crisp north wind with temperatures low enough to grab a scarf and wrap it around the top of a woolen coat. Today is golden, red and brown leaves being blown underfoot, as crisp as the air you breath.  Finally, today is a crock pot full of chicken, vegetables and spices, creating the broth I need to make chicken noodle soup for dinner tonight.

Today is a very good day. Today marks what I hope is the end of a bit of craziness.

I thought I’d outline my craziness for you with a list.

Follow along if you can.

1. Unexplained sharp pain in the upper left quadrant of your abdomen can be a bother.

2. Doctor’s visits regarding such pain can be frustrating when the doctor offers you advice to go buy some Prilosec but you wanted surgery to remove the pain. “Can’t you just take it out?” you plead.

3. When pain is consistent and doesn’t give you a rest, you tend to go a little crazy.

4. Emergency rooms are pretty much empty at 1:00am on Thursday mornings in Midwest America.

5. Driving oneself to the emergency room seems like a wise move to make, until the doctor tells you he can’t give you any pain meds in your IV because you won’t be able to drive home by yourself.

6. Apparently, ER doctors are 12 years old.

7. Peeing in a cup is not easy.

8. Blood tests, pee cups, various scans and pain meds cost an obscene amount of money and it all seems ridiculous when the 12 year old doctor says, “Everything looks good. We can’t find anything wrong. Have you tried Prilosec?”

9. Pain meds that the 12 year old doctor sends home with you are good, very good.

10. Too many pain meds on an empty stomach can make your world curiously unstable. Things twirl and swirl and all you can do is sink down on your kitchen floor and take a nap.

11. Despite said twirling and whirling, the break in pain that pain meds offer is glorious.

12. Toast and chamomile tea is a most delicious meal and I’ve decided to subsist on it until said pain in upper left quadrant subsides, unless of course I’m courageous enough to try the previously mentioned chicken noodle soup.

13. It is a curiosity to me as to why both doctors I saw this week talked to me about Prilosec but asked me no questions about my diet? Does that seem strange to anyone else?

14. Experiencing unexplained pain, 12 year old doctors who shrug their shoulders and offer only Prilosec, the humiliation of trying to pee in a cup, the pros and cons of pain medication, makes one open to any dietary advice others may have to offer.

Got any advice?

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