When It's All You Want

Christmas Eve is warm, up to 50 degrees they say, and sunny. No snow is forecasted to fall. None. My guess is it will drop by later with too much freezing fluster and hang around through March and into April.

Today there is none to see, none resting on sleepy looking lawns, none dirty on the sides of roads.

No white Christmas. Not this year.

Don't despair though. Hope is falling.I feel it. It's all around like white crystal flakes from picture-perfect Christmas cards. Beauty falls from the phone call I just finished with my mom and dad, reminding me where I come from, what is always there for me, and of the place I hold in my family.

I always have a seat. A beautiful, undeserved seat.

Grace.
Beauty.
Hope.

All beautiful. All so very fragile. No two alike.

What do I want for Christmas?

You.

What do I want for life?

You.

Jesus, I want you.

I want to know more and move in closer. I want to begin to grasp all the things.

More love.
Compassion.
Empathy.
Truth.

PEACE

I want to keep holding up questions and finding delight in answers I wouldn't have thought were answers. Unexpected people, unexpected places. This Lord? This is what you want me to see, to hear, to touch? Here? Her? Him?

I want still waters and light breezes made gorgeous by the waves that overtake with only the light of moonlight slivers. I've heard about you, how you dance on the tips of waves and calm storms, making the ugly, angry sea beautiful.

I believe. Well, I mostly do. I know I tend toward doubting. I'm a bit of a cynic aren't I? I want to see and touch to be sure and certain, and there you are, right at the tip.

You bring me just enough. Just enough of a crumb trail, just enough of the barely-there light for the next baby step, the deep breath, the resolve to keep going. You meet me and we ride it out together.

Ann Voskamp says,

God gives God.

God meets us where we don't believe

When our believing runs out, God's loving runs on.

And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. She gave birth to her first child, a son. She wrapped him snuggly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them. 

God gives God. 

I'll take it.

Forever and always, I want you.

Lead on sweet Lord.