5J: When You Need a Word

I gave myself a project for the month of March.

Every morning during my journal time, I picked an intention for the day as a way to focus and to keep my mind on bigger and better things.

I started on March 1st and did better with it than I thought I would. I thought sharing some of my words in this space might help remind us both that we ultimately never journey alone.

What follows is an excerpt from my journal. I hope you enjoy.

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I think I may be starting to come down from the stress high I have been on this past week. Is it possible that a routine is starting to push through all this crazy chaos?

I went for a walk this morning and it felt like a mini vacation. I could have walked for hours, taking in deep breaths of peace that were rising in the early morning light. The birds were obliviously full of pure delight, singing their spring songs and so I joined their rhythm with the beat of my shoes on the pavement. I walked my way into a tiny miracle. My breathing grew deeper, my shoulders relaxed, a sense of calm showed up and fell around me like a favorite sweatshirt I forgot I owned.

Eventually my feet led me back to my driveway and it was time to go back inside, shower, eat breakfast and take on the day.

Calm. Are you still there? I'm not ready to fold you back up and put you on a closet shelf.

I have no great wisdom to share. I do know that finding a river of calm in this present storm is a fabulous find indeed. I didn't realize how desperately I needed it but the tears are screaming behind my eyes. They want out and I didn't even know they were there. It appears I've built an invisible dam behind the words, "we're fine."

I suppose it's a dam made up of layers of squashed down worry, frustration, anger, stress, fear and all the other unnamed things that I see and hear with every newscast, every report, every article and every conversation, layer by layer getting bigger and stronger. What if it gets too big and I forget what life is like without the shadow of a dam?

Come tears, please come and wash all of it away. This dam needs to break.

Come. Cleanse. Break through and make room for fresh waters, still waters.

And there it is - my focus for the day.

STILL WATERS

Lord lead me to still waters. I need peace, and light, and calm. I need you.

Restore my soul.

I love you.