I get up in the mornings before the kids do. I grab a glass of water and then sit down in my bed with my back straight up so I won't fall back asleep, a pillow on my lap, and my journal and bible on top of the pillow. It is usually dark, calm and quiet. I grab my pen and it happens.
Calm, like a blanket, descends and I start to write about whatever happens to be on my mind. This may sound crazy but I usually feel the presence of my sweet Saviour beside me as I write. I feel his pleasure in me, in my stillness, in my pen, and in our quiet moment together.
This morning I flipped to the front part of my journal. I wanted to see what was going on with me a year ago. I thought I'd share with you some snippets hopefully to encourage you.
March 5, 2012
A glance at the clock tells me I'm already running late. I should stop writing and get going, but I'm not going to. My soul feels misaligned. I feel strange and disconnected. The day is already weighing heavy on me. I feel like I'm catching up, already running, trying not to be behind. I want to sit still.
I also want:
to stay home from work today and catch up with myself.
to know how to move through the details of this crazy day.
to have time to read my book.
to be a servant.
to laugh and dance.
to find more stillness today.
That was me a year ago. Not much has changed I guess. I still crave more stillness. I still want to stay home from work. I still want more time to write, to catch up with myself and to dance. I still want to laugh everyday.
Here's the verse of the day.
Guard my life for I am faithful to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God, have mercy on me, Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
for I put my trust in you.
You, Lord are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Reading those verses reminds me to call out more.
Maybe it should sound something like this.
Hey God, I could really use some help here. I have this thing to do and I don't know how to do it. Help!
Hey, could you bring me some joy? I need joy. Why do I always forget to ask you for joy? I put my head down, plow through my day, look back over it and feel proud of my accomplishment, but I'm usually so tired and pooped that joy doesn't even cross my mind.
One more thing and then I have to go pick up a loving daughter.
Isn't it good to know that He is good and abounding in love to all who call to Him?
I'm going to start calling out more.
The abounding in love thing is pretty convincing.
Have a fabulous day.
P.S. That noise you hear in the distance - it's me. I'm calling out. Want to join me?